Friday 9 May 2008, 1:25 PM
BBC in international spam shock scandal
Last week saw the plausible 30th anniversary of the creation of email spam, an event marked by the arrival in journos' inboxes of large numbers of unrequested press releases from security companies.
These even reached the BBC, which decided to run a story over the bank holiday weekend -- traditionally a good time for soft news --on BBC World. They rang around the usual suspects: I was up in Edinburgh devoting my attention to single malts, the sisterhood and medieval plainchant (sounds better than wine, women and song), and so Aunty picked on my brother in North London media tarthood, Adrian Mars.
Adrian represents the finest in media punterhood; not only does he know what he's talking about and is more comfortable in front of a camera than Richard and Judy's sofa, he has a sense of humour that would make Sid James blush and a sense of shame so small that it's discussed at nanotechnology conferences.
Parked on set and transmitting live to the world, the man was asked why spammers keep going for the same old stiffening pills and willy embiggenment scams. He could not resist: "It's a formula that works, and since most men are insecure about the size of their parts... Of course some of us don't need to worry."
At this, he erected one eyebrow and the presenter giggled like a schoolgirl.
So far, so good: BBC happy at a nice soft story, Adrian cock-a-hoop at slipping it in, and world not quite sure it just saw what it thought it saw.
And it turns out that this was one enlargement spam that worked - albeit for the man's ego rather than his privy member. A couple of days later, he got this email from an old flame, now working as a journalist in one of the world's high profile trouble-spots. (The location and identity of his correspondent have been disguised to protect him or her from the authorities - yes, really. And I wish I could be more specific about gender, just to finally put to rest those persistent rumours about Adrian's sexuality, but you understand. Lives are at stake.)
"So, there I was in XXXX (being an intrepid fighter for freedom and democracy, albeit one with access to BBC world) when who should pop up but you, talking about the size of your parts. Bizarre.
Hope you are well.
XX
PS I don't think you have anything to worry about..."
The man is now unbearable, and it is only with the greatest self-restraint that I eschew giving you further information on this subject. Me, I think he just misheard the BBC's motto: "Nation Shall Speak Peace Unto Nation". Eric Gill would have approved.
Friday 28 March 2008, 6:06 PM
SEO rapper drops it like a swot
Is this a genius way to get students to remember basic web design principles or a joke?
The SEO Rapper, a Houston-based hip-hop music maker who also goes by the Poetic Prophet or Chuck, is starring in a YouTube video on the principles of online marketing � done in rhyme. Here he tells it like it is � how web standards and correct design can affect the ranking and conversion of pages on a site.
The Poetic Prophet's day job is in social media consulting and SEO, so the rhymes are likely to keep flowing. Right now, there's also the "Link Building 101 Rap" and "Paid Search 101 rap", a video response to "Comparing Paid Search and SEO with Abe Mezrich" from Web Marketing Today. Let the SEO video rap battle begin.
Wednesday 19 March 2008, 9:32 AM
One of the scariest things I've seen
Not much to say here - just watch this DARPA-funded robot pack-dog in action (particularly the near-slippage in the middle of the video) and think forward a couple decades. We're doomed, I tells ya...
Friday 14 March 2008, 1:36 AM
Think about the children...
Ever wondered what it's like to be head-hunted by a large corporation for a very senior position, when you know that the position is horrible and the corporation worse?
A friend relates the following tale. He was targetted by an executive employment agency for a job in technology marketing, and although he suspected that the job was undoable and had a great and hard-won animosity towards the company concerned, his curiosity was sufficiently piqued that he went along with the game.
(I have no way of verifying this story, so I'll leave the company's name out of it. The job, however, was selling that company's open source strategy.)
As protocol dictates, all parties assembled in a posh restaurant for lunch. Said protocol also dictates that you don't pitch before pudding: the arc of the meal starts with delicate flourishes of mutual admiration, moves onto staged revelations on both sides of position, desire and capability, and finally climaxes in the money shot - literally, in this case - with the revelation of The Number.
This is an interesting exercise in psychology, no matter what the job and what the company. If you get to The Number stage, at least in technology companies, it normally means that a degree of mutual respect has been reached and that both sides are in agreement that the job's worth doing, the candidate looks a good bet for doing it, and that this will involve a good amount of involvement in defining how the job is approached. The rules are different in Hollywood, where other factors such as status, power, the amount of BS to swallow and create, and the ability to run a decent vendetta, tend to overshadow the nominal business of employment.
But as the meal progressed, the intended felt that things were more LA than further north. The company had previously discovered some resistance to its open source story, but there was no question of that story being in any way open to question. No, indeed. The job was to overcome that resistance, to help educate the world in the ways of righteousness, to sell without blinking. This was not a job where anything other than obedience was required, nor one where any doubts were appropriate. It was a simple transaction: a soul for worldly wealth. And that soul was to be firmly bought.
His instinct was confirmed when at a late stage, as silvered spoon bit into delicate confectionary, the conversation suddenly veered into unexpected territory.
"Tell me," said the lead exec from the company. "You have a young family, don't you?"
"Yes..."
"Think how you would like them educated. A good school's very important, don't you think?"
"Well, yes, of course."
"Mmm. So, what might it take to get you on board?"
My pal was so wrong-footed by this open and undisguised application of pressure to nerve point that he failed to pull off his planned exit strategy, that of setting a price so high that they were sadly unable.
"200k"
Napkins were folded.
"We can go with that."
He later declined their kind offer. Although he may put it into a novel - if only he can shake the idea that nobody would believe episodes like that.
Wednesday 12 March 2008, 10:20 AM
Work yourself fit
I've often wondered where the gym with which CNET Networks UK has a membership deal is located. People head off looking purposeful, and return looking knackered � it's never appealed, really. Now, if US company Steelcase gets its way, the gym, or something that looks like it, might make a disturbing appearance right here in the office.
Enter the Walkstation, which is basically a treadmill with a desk attached.
Reassuringly, the Walkstation's inventor, one Dr James Levine, claims "its purpose is not to cause users to raise their heart rates or work up a sweat" � just as well, as an approaching deadline does that quite nicely.
Now if this contraption could be wired up to generate electricity, it could be a handy addition to the 'green' office. Perhaps it could directly power the computer on the desk: stop walking, computer dies, no work done, no job...no, let's not go there.
The picture speaks for itself really, but if readers fancy coming up with captions, be my guest!
Tuesday 11 March 2008, 12:56 PM
Dialogue Box Series 3 kicks off
We're back in front of the cameras with a newer, fresher, even bouncier series of Dialogue Box. This time, we poke around inside the new generation of low-power laptops and find out what low actually means - and then take to the streets with an entire host of OLPCs and a mission to... well, you'll have to click and find out.
Our video gnomes have decided that fast and frantic is good, and I don't think they're going to stop until all you can see of Charles and I is a white-coated blur. I blame the post-literate society.
Wednesday 20 February 2008, 12:28 AM
If you fancy running a controversial website...
... you might like to think twice before signing up with Netcetera for hosting purposes.
There was an amusingly caustic site called Quackometer, which specialised in spotting and publicising, well, quackery. Of which there is no shortage, even in these enlightened times.
But Quackometer is no more. Its web hosting company, Netcetera, has thrown it off. Has Andy Lewis, aka Le Canard Noir, proprietor of the Quackometer, committed some terrible sin, some libel, slander or other inappropriate act?
Not as far as I can see. The Duck's crime was to collate newspaper reports concerning one Joseph Chikelue Obi, 'world's top expert in nutritional immunomudulation', and head of the "Royal College of Alternative Medicine in Dublin". There's lots out there about Professor Doctor Obi, although it can be a bit challenging finding out much concerning his establishment, and although he is reported as responding to linky publicity with legal letters I have little compunction about furthering your education.
Unfortunately, Netcetera is rather more cagey and has responded to Distinguished Provost of RCAM (Royal College of Alternative Medicine) Professor Joseph Chikelue Obi FRCAM(Dublin) FRIPH(UK) FACAM(USA) MICR(UK)'s complaints by de-ducking with alacrity, telling the hapless quackbuster that:
"We do not wish to be in a position where we could be taken to court, and incur the loss of time and expense that would involve. Consequently Netcetera have decided to suspend the Quackometer website, with reference to our Acceptable Usage Policy, the first part of which is quoted below. The full policy can be found on our website www.netcetera.im/SiteInfo/AUP/
"Acceptable Usage Policy
This policy is subject to change, without alternate notice, so please check regularly for updates. This policy is in addition, and considered part of Netcetera's Terms and Conditions.
Netcetera will be the sole arbiter as to what constitutes a violation of this provision.
1) Web Hosting
1.1) Netcetera reserves the right to suspend or cancel a customer's access to any or all services provided by Netcetera, where Netcetera decides that the account has been inappropriately used. Netcetera reserves the right to refuse service and /or access to its servers to anyone."
We will prevent public access to the site as of noon today 18th February 2008. You will be able to access the content to be able to transfer it to another host if you so wish.
We will hold the content available to you for 30 days, and then we will remove it from our servers."
Charming. I do wonder what legal advice Netcetera took before arriving at this conclusion, because as far as I can tell no amount of nutritional immunomodulation will effect the sort of complete lower body transplant necessary to give Professor Doctor Obi any legs to stand on.
Meanwhile, if you fancy doing some waterfowling of your own, do check whether your hosting contract says, as Netcetera's does, that you can be terminated without recourse and without reason. You might like to take your punt gun elsewhere.
[Update: As the Duck has done. He's back, courtesy of Positive Internet. I don't know much about Positive, but I like what I see. His Serene Majesty, The Bountiful, The Right Reverend Professor Herr Doctor Pope Highness Obi-Wan has yet to pronounce on this development.]
Thursday 24 January 2008, 5:00 PM
To A PR...
Dear X -
Please please PLEASE do NOT send large attachments in email without checking first.
Especially of bloody airports.
Especially three megabytes of jpegs of airports.
I don't know the last time you saw a picture of a bloody airport on ZDNet UK. They're not really our thing. Yes, I write about the technical side of aviation occasionally, when it intersects with IT in some way. But I have never illustrated these with a picture of an airport.
Also, you will notice that the pictures we DO run are small. That's because we're a website, and we know that surprising the punters with massive downloads is a bad thing.
It's not just you.
Earlier this week, I got a load of pictures of sunflowers. 2 megabyte pictures of sunflowers. That PR was trying to pitch a networking company with some sort of green baloney. Guess what I'll say when I next meet that company at a show. It may involve unusual flower arranging techniques. The sort you don't get in St John's during Harvest Festival week.
Really, don't do it. It shut down my mailbox, stopped me being able to send stuff out and threw a spanner into some time-critical workflow procedures. There is an argument that in the year of our lord 2008 bloody Exchange from bloody Microsoft should be able to cope better with such things than by downing tools and sending me snarky messages when all I want to do is send a one-line email, and I wouldn't demur, but we're stuck with bloody Exchange from bloody Microsoft. We're not the only ones. You will have annoyed others.
I'm going to blog this. I won't mention you by name nor your client, you're probably a nice bloke, first offence, all that stuff, but really really REALLY really REALLY do NOT do it. Please.
Next time, I shall release the trained yet notably vicious attack warthogs from their training pit beneath Southwark. Their vengeance will be mighty, and remarkably well publicised.
This madness must cease. Help me in my quest.
Otherwise, warthogs.
Rupert
Friday 11 January 2008, 1:02 AM
A shocking lack of journalistic standards at CES
I was deeply upset to read about recent misbehaviour by reporters at the Consumer Electronics Show, the Vegasfest of all things digital, noisy, tiny and shiny.
CES has already flooded my RSS reader with thousands of near-identical postings from hundreds of near-identical blogs. Engizmo? Jizgadget? They all blur into one. It's as if the rest of the hack world think they can compete with our very own Team Crave. The fools. I pity them.
But that desperation to stand out has led to some regrettable displays of tech vandalism - none more saddening than that from the young Turks at Gizmodo.
Noting that a large part of the CES experience involves TVs, and that a certain device called 'TV-B-Gone' is specifically designed to shut down tellies of all brands and models by spraying every infra-red OFF command known to man indiscriminately through the aether, they decided to combine the one with the other. They wandered the halls of the show, firing off their remotes of mass destruction with the carefree insouciance of B52 pilots floating thirty thousand feet above straw huts.
They even recorded their sins. Innocent marketing managers were caught in mid-spout, promising the world in front of strangely dark screens. Entire walls of promotional goodness were thrown into cosmic black, leaving booth babes and stand studs scrabbling for their mobile phones.
It wasn't big. It wasn't grown-up. And in particular, it wasn't clever. I've done stand duty on big shows before now. Let me tell you, this is the last thing you need. You're nursing a hangover from the night before (Yes, you are. You're in Vegas. You're with all your pals. The company is paying. What, you're going to sit in your hotel room reading improving religious tracts?).
And in the middle of all that pain, you're having to be nice to the dregs of society. Slack-jawed yokels here to see the lights. Your opposite numbers from the competition, pretending to be slack-jawed yokels here to see the lights. Worst of all, journalists. Your booth is falling apart, your demos are barely alive, and your boss is undecided whether to fire you for smelling of booze or for emptying their minibar.
It's all hanging by a thread.
Which is why having a bunch of yahoos turning off your monitors by remote control is so darn lame. What, like it matters?
Let me introduce you to Pigman, a floppy disk with a bootable program hacked together by the young Goodwins and his pals back in the day when we did the shows.
Pigman was a simple bit of software, loaded by slipping the disk into a computer's drive and hitting Ctrl-Alt-Del. Installing in seconds, it disabled Ctrl-Alt-Del, switched the display into a low-res but colourful mode that could be seen from many yards away, paused for a moment with a "PLEASE WAIT" message, then cycled every half a second between two cartoon frames.These showed a man and a pig engaged in a mutual activity that only needed those two frames to be completely unambiguous. Simple, yet effective.
Our modus operandi was equally simple, equally effective. On our break from stand duties, we toured the halls as if we were mere attendees. When we spotted a likely target, one of our number engaged the stand guardians in pointless yet intricate discussion. Then, one or more others slipped quietly from computer to computer, apparently appreciating the finer points of the hardware on display but in reality installing the payload.
When done properly, the loaders could be free and clear and a large crowd would gather, laughing and clapping before the stand owners could pull themselves away from our stooge to see what was going on. When they did - ah, all the pain was worth it.
And we were cross-platform. There were various Pigmen, including eight bit conversions for most of the home micros of the time. Our finest hit was an entire video wall designed to demonstrate the network capabilities of one particularly famous UK device - which it did, all too well.
When reminiscing and trying to recall the best bits, it's hard to choose between that first moment of awareness dawning on the face of the victim, and the building panic as they try to reset all their infected machines in front of an appreciative audience. There's also a lot to be said for those times, more common than one may suppose, when a stand could display animated bestiality for many minutes to passers-by before anyone seemed to notice anything awry.
Happy days. And, really, turning off tellies while hiding in the crowd just doesn't come close.
3/10, Gizmodites. Must try harder.
Wednesday 2 January 2008, 8:25 PM
It might be 2008, but guess who's stuck in 1988? DVD retailers! Yay!
Clueless. Clueless. Clueless.
I'm in HMV. I'm looking to buy, at retail, actual physical product. Films. On DVD. You may remember this ancestral custom or rite (hence the saying, the custom-er is always rite), which involves handing over tokens in exchange for glittering slivers of mystery and delgiht.
My first experience is certainly mysterious. Set up alongside the DVD section is a large wide-screen HD display with a Sony Blu-Ray player and some angry-looking speakers. A poster alongside says "See the real difference of High Definition". I watch, entranced, as exquisitely high definition text, in every language known to man, slowly plays as threatening a list of sins and punishments as Assyrian king ever carved into the sides of his temple. The real difference of High Definition, apparently, is that you have to sit through Hungarian denunciations of copyright abuse, followed by Romanian, followed by some Slavic language I couldn't quite identify.
At length, as we pass Faroese, Old Norse and Klingon (ritual disembowling if you let someone glance through your front window while the Blu-Ray is playing), I tire of this new entertainment and go to complete my purchase. Penury denies me the chance to pick up the complete Carry On oeuvre (ninety quid! Thirty films! Five million single entendres!), and I settle for Pom Poko - seven quid's worth of Studio Ghibli animation devoted to shape-shifting raccoons with unfeasibly large testicles (it's OK, it's folk art. It's allowed).
Back home, and it's time to consume my media, safe in the knowledge that I won't be playing it on an oil rig, pub or place of worship, nor copying it nor allowing copies to be made, and that I've paid real money to a real retailer. I feel virtuous.
It's a good thing that virtue is its own reward, because I'm not going to be watching any raccoons. On the side of my new DVD case, under the shrinkwrap, there's a catch -- a red button holding the case closed. And, no matter how I try to push, slide, rotate or tweak it, the case remains closed.
Eventually, by vicious distortion, the case pops open and there's my DVD - held securely in place by the selfsame red button. Further investigation reveals that it extends in a long bar across the back of the case, pressing against the spindle and preventing removal.
This isn't just some sort of clever lock: it's some sort of anti-theft device that the retailer has forgotten to remove. Time to get smart and go online - and here it is, the RedTag from AGI Amaray, A MeadWestvaco Resource. A "user-friendly anti-theft device", it's designed to stop people from removing DVDs from cases in shops,
AGI Amaray, A MeadWestvaco Resource, continues: "Anti-theft counter measures have created barriers to sales, slashing sales volumes and retailer profits. They involve repackaging product, reduce shelf space and increase [sic] labour costs. Designing a retailing environment with thieves in mind actually creates a culture that puts people off buying."
No, rilly?
The RedTag stops the case from opening. If forced, it breaks the case and, often, the product. "Benefit denial", purrs the website.
Here's a further observation: relying on dozy neds behind the till to remove the damn thing is self-defeating. Preventing the punter from getting at their legally purchased goods is not much of a sales enhancer either.
It took me about two minutes to work out how to get the thing off safely with a pair of pliers, and a further thirty seconds to identify a weak spot in the design that would, I think, let me defeat it in about three seconds using a slightly modified hacksaw blade. I don't think such ideas will have escaped the criminal fraternity. The rest of us? Well, we get to go back to the shop days later with our receipt to persuade the gormless minimum wagers to stick our goodies in their detagger.
Meanwhile, free of endless warnings in Gujarati and fingernail-breaking benefit denial, the same content is available for a mouseclick online. Being virtuous only gets you so far.
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